It’s 9 am. Children are in school. Office executives have made their morning commute to work. The rising sun radiates at nearby Oscar O. D’Angelo Park. Legends are being born…almost.
St. Patrick’s Day and the Chicago tradition of taking the Day and stretching it into weekend of green rivers, green beer, green vomit, and wasted greenbacks pulls no punches. The Chicagoans, already known for their boldness and indifference to the inside voice, really know how to blow it out. Therefore, it is no surprise that even a single green clad loser can come off as success story. This recently published Youtube video illustrates the fleeting value of liquid courage and the healing power of prayer.
At once you’re transported into what appears to be a bit of drunken slam poetry. Quickly, however, the cameraman focuses on the supposed antagonist berating some off-camera rival. Without warning, a crash is suddenly heard, taking both camera and pedestrian by surprise. In fighter’s parlance, the crash occurred at the antagonist’s blindside, a seeming attempt to catch him unawares. Now I ask you dear reader – how do you address a now or never situation when the typical exit is not available? If you’re a responsible person, you might take a pass and finish your meal. Or you might just be inebriated enough to know how legends are born; to realize that one man can dye the Kool-Aid’s man’s innards leprechaun green and crash through the store front glass with the most dramatic measure of manhood – the sucker punch.
Years ago, the next few seconds could probably be expunged by soft retellings. It wasn’t that bad, your most loyal friends would say. Yet, in this day and age of constant surveillance and image capture, this poor soul will forever be known as the reason an entire nation stopped using the phrase the luck of the Irish.
I am confident that Little Green, the now sober/almost-legend, has viewed the video and recognized the tragic flaw of his fight strategy. The loudmouth antagonist, while unforgivably cruel, is most certainly less drunk; his motor skills sharper. In fact, this fight critique is less about the antagonist’s prowess and so much more about Little Green’s shortsighted strategy. What if he had taken the door? What if he had put down that last green beer? Then, he may have been able to flip the script. Unfortunately, on this particular day, sobriety was truly the greater part of valor…or something like that. Upon being put to sleep with just one punch, Little Green finds what can only be called a moment of clarity through a prayer-like posture. At this moment he has become enveloped by the ultimate noise-cancelling headphone. He has no idea what has just transpired. He has no fear. Sadly, unlike most awakenings, I am going to bet his momentary peace was short-lived.
There are a several theories on what provoked Little Green to walk through the window. Online forums attribute his self-belief to the marathon viewing of the Terminator films during pre-drinking the night before. Your average man or woman on the street, however, repeatedly come back to the same question: When is a door ajar? If anybody knows, Little Green knows.
