The Denver Post recently did a remarkable, deeply-moving, ten-part profile of Cat Zingano, her son Brayden, and their fight to be, following the suicide of her husband and coach Mauricio in January of 2014.
She came home from college. Her Olympic dream now faded, she stepped away from the wrestling mats. It would be years before she got back on. In 2007, now a new mother, Cat walked into Zingano Brazilian Jiu Jitsu gym in Broomfield, CO.
She saw Mauricio, one of the instructors. He suggested she take a jiu jitsu class. It was love at first fight — with the sport and the instructor.
I was in awe of him, how strong he was, how talented he was, Cat said of Mauricio, twice a national Brazilian jiu jitsu champ. The presence he carried, he was just so bold and impressive. And he really made me laugh.
On a gym trip to Water World, Cat recalled in a soft voice, He held my hand. Though she was wary of dating her coach, these feelings were new and exciting.
Finally, I went back to a class, she said. And he said, ‘All right, you and me are (sparring)!’ After class, he pulled me aside, and we were connected at the hip after. Always, forever.
At first, it was perfect. I was so gung-ho on impressing him, being his prodigy, winning every tournament. Everything I did, I wanted to keep handing him trophies: ‘This is for you. I won this.’ I felt like I couldn’t do any wrong. And he was so proud of me.
They became addicted — to each other, to success. Work hard, fight hard, win hard. But the dynamic was toxic. Her new boyfriend, whom she married in 2010, was also her coach. And her business partner, running multiple gyms. Oh, and they were parents, raising her son, Brayden.
But Mauricio saw greatness in her fists and constantly challenged her to make sacrifices — to eat certain foods, to go for an extra run at night, to learn from criticism at all hours. It became too much.
I didn’t know who I was talking to, she said. I had so much respect for him, I would never say anything. I would look at him as my coach and my boss, but I needed to be able to talk to him like my husband.
There was depression, she said of Mauricio. I feel like we would’ve figured it out eventually, but he made some bad choices to make things worse, and I couldn’t put up with it and have my son around it. I had to do something, but I didn’t know what to do.
So I left him.
Now living apart and in marriage counseling, the Zinganos agreed to meet at the play area at FlatIron Crossing mall in Broomfield. It was Jan. 12, 2014. They could share some quality Brayden time. A chance to be a family again.
Mauricio never showed.
Cat called. She called again. Mauricio never missed a meeting with Brayden. She called again. Where is this guy? She drove to his home, saw his car out front.
I was afraid to go in, she said, because I didn’t know what that meant I was going to find.
So she drove home and kept dialing his number, deep into the night. Each time there was a simultaneous feeling of hope and hopelessness. Just answer and everything will be all right, won’t it?
The following day, she asked one of their jiu jitsu students to go by Mauricio’s home. But the student never called back. So Cat finally went to the house.
Cop cars.
Are you Cat? a detective asked her.
She didn’t know what to say.
I can only tell you what happened if you’re Cat, the detective said.
Fine, I’m Cat.
Reflecting back at that moment, Cat recalled how she didn’t realize she was screaming, as if she wasn’t in control of her body.
But she was indeed screaming, incessantly, the same three words, over and over: WHAT THE F—?
Mauricio was dead. Suicide. Age 37.
How do you tell a boy his dad is dead?
Cat opened the bedroom door that night, and there was her innocent child, sleeping in bed.
I had to wake him up, she said. I feel like every catastrophe in our lives you remember exactly where you were, what you were doing, who you were with, almost down to what you were wearing. I get one shot at this.
The detective told her to speak directly. Trying to soften the moment only makes it worse.
He’s dead. Gone. Dad is gone.
That, she recalled, was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.
How do you teach a boy to cope with death, when you don’t know how?
Catch me any time of the day, I’m either (upset) at him, happy with him, in love with him, mad at him, Cat said of Mauricio, whom she still refers to as my husband in conversations.
I want to get all of this (fighting success) for us, and everything that we’ve done, and all the work we’ve put into it. He lost his damn mind. And that sucks, because he was a very strong, very smart, very intense and awesome person.
For my son to lose his dad and in that kind of way, I don’t know how to put this, but — I don’t want to quit, because I don’t want that to be embedded in him from more than one angle.
Now Brayden is hiding. It’s a February night at MusclePharm gym, and he’s crouching inside a giant tractor tire. He’s playing hide-and-seek. A woman looks for him, and soon other fighters join in the playful search.
The obvious hiding spot is under the cage, where his mom, in padded headgear, is sparring.
The cage at MusclePharm gym is really a stage, and underneath is a space a few feet high, covered by a curtain. Someone flips up the curtain — he’s gotta be under here, right? — but he’s not. Where did Brayden go?
Finally, he pops out of the giant tire, and he flashes a mischievous smile.
This gym, this community, is his comfort zone. Mom’s too. Here, you can be alone in the tire, or alone in the cage, but you’re surrounded by warmth.
To be honest, Cat said, I think part of the connection with Brayden and all of my teammates is that every fighter has gone through hell at some point in their life.
With Brayden, they all know what happened, and they see a kid that is going through something — and whatever color it is of what they’ve gone through, they can identify with him, and they want to be there for him. It’s really sweet. And it’s really cool and comforting.
And I don’t know a single fighter who doesn’t have some kind of pain that they’ve dealt with.
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Cat Zingano fights UFC women’s bantamweight champion Ronda Rousey in the main event of UFC 184 on Feb 28, live on PPV.
