Bisping suffers trouble in paradise

On his latest Believe You Me podcast, UFC middleweight champion Michael Bisping recounted a recent family vacation to paradise that was not without trouble. The clan walked to a waterfall and returned to find their rental had been broken into.

We walked up to the car, and Callum said ‘someone smashed the window,’ said Bisping, as transcribed by Dave Doyle for MMA Fighting. I thought he was kidding, ‘the little f***ker,’ but lo and behold, smashed the window. My wife had left her bag in the trunk. Smashed the window, grabbed that and all the clothing, of course we were swimming, so I just had a tiny pair of shorts on, my wife was in a bikini. That’s kind of how we were dressed. All the clothes, stuff like that, all stolen, including my wallet, everything.

The hire car, we were supposed to take it right back, but you don’t want to waste a half a day, taking a f***ing rental car back. So I’ve yet to do that. We drive around with a smashed window and we got robbed a second time. My running shoes and stuff like that, I left them in the next day and when we got back the car back, someone had stuck their hand in and taken the running shoes.

Then the angry Tiki God decided to curse Bisping as he and the family went paddleboarding with Kendall Grove, a friend since the pair were on The Ultimate Fighter 3.

We went out with Kendall Grove and his family, said Bisping. We went out to the beach, great day. We had kayaks and paddle boards, stuff like that. So we say, let’s go out on the paddle boards and go out to that cliff [in the distance].

Good news was they made it to the cliffs. Bad news was the weather started getting rough …

The wind’s picking up, we better head back, said Bisping. It’s me and my daughter on a paddle board. Balancing on a paddle board is not my forte, let me tell you that. Especially when there’s two people on there and the winds are blowing.

We’re pretty far out, the cliffs were 200-300 meters away and we’re drifting further and further out. I’m like ‘holy s***,’ I don’t want to say anything to my daughter but I’m panicking a little bit, you know what I mean?

I jump off, my daughter’s on the paddle board, we’re drifting further and further out to sea. I’m trying to swim and I’m starting to panic, we’re getting nowhere.

Then two female swimmer also were in distress, and held onto Bisping board, adding another layer of difficulty. Eventually, there was some good news – lifeguards came and rescued the group. Bad news was there was only room for women and children.

Me being a macho d***head, I go ‘yeah yeah yeah I’m fine, I’ll swim back,’ because I assume there’s no room for me, said Bisping. So they all disappear, go off in the distance and I’m thinking ‘I don’t f***ing believe this, me, and my ego, rather than just say ‘I need help also,’ I’m going to drown now.

Finally the lifeguards returned, and brought Bisping to shore too.

That was me yesterday,” he said. “Fun times.