The #1 worst martial arts rap song of all time…
The #3 worst martial arts rap song of all time…
The Mark Kerr documentary ‘The Smashing Machine’ is deeply moving, revealing the human frailty behind the most ferocious of men, and all of us. Everyone who saw it was moved to some extent, but no one as much as real-estate developer Kurt Otto and comic book magazine founder Gareb Shamus.
They saw it, and were inspired to found the International Fight League (IFL) on January 7, 2006. Intelligently mindful that the UFC would likely snatch up any stars that the new league developed, the pair instead determined to build city-based teams, including:
Chicago Red Bears
Los Angeles Anacondas
Nevada Lions
New York Pitbulls
Portland Wolfpack
Quad City Silverbacks
Southern California Condors
Tokyo Sabres’
The IFL went public, and at one point was worth more than the Brooklyn Dodgers. The fights were excellent, with deep, world-class talent. However, as Dana White quipped, no one cares about the Sacramento Goony Birds fighting the Hairy Beavers of Oregon.
They made plans for the 2008 season to drop the city names in favor of more sensible camps, like Miletich Fighting Systems and Renzo Gracie Academy. Still, coaches are, like referees, supposed to be invisible. The league had great fighters, great coaches, and great fights, but it was flawed at its core.
The IFL closed on July 31, 2008, having burned through a reported $55,000,000. That is a stack of 100 dollar bills 240 feet tall.
The revenue went to, among other things, flying coaches from across the country to a recording studio, where on 22 February 2007, hip hop producer Jazze Pha created an IFL rap anthem. A lyrical wordsmith came up with some inadvertently bizarre lines.
Matt Lindland: “I’m Matt L and I’m hard as hell. When I hit the mat the girls all yell.”
Renzo Gracie: “I’m Renzo Gracie, nobody wants to face me. Porrada, porrada, porrada in your face.”
Bas Rutten: “This is Bas Rutten, and I’d like to say, that I really like to love the world, and I love to love my play.”
This is not fault of the fighters and coaches. There is an order to the world. Rappers are not going to distinguish themselves in the Octagon, and fighters are not, by and large, going to distinguish themselves in front of the mic.
The result is the second worst MMA rap song of all time.
