Based on the number of handheld cameras in attendance, this could easily be described as the Five-Second Knockout Heard Sweeping Down the Plains. While it may have been promoted as an evenly matched bout in the weeks leading up to this cornfield showdown, local fight fans and voyeurs from Somewhereville, USA, had yet to open their first domestic beer and find a seat in the haystack bleachers before witnessing Dalton deliver a haymaker of the first order.
The brevity of the fight left attendees crestfallen. In fact, the color commentary from dude, dude quickly gave way to colorful expletive-laden commentary as the shirtless victim dropped like a urine-soaked body pillow to the newly mowed surface…planking.
Originally posted on YouTube in April of 2013, the fighters seem intent on observing traditional warrior protocol, embracing and touching gloves to show respect and sportsmanship, before circling one another to get a feel.
In what would get the likes of Connor McGregor’s attention, the shirtless fighter lunges in with a very committed looping right cross. The tank-top wearing Dalton reacts with a beautiful slip and retaliates with a powerful and flailing right uppercut. The shirtless fighter hits the field hard, no doubt suffering several patches of grass-rash for his trouble.
The crowd reacts and celebrates the victory as the loser partially comes to. Though willing to continue with a spirited, albeit wobbly, posturing, Pinky, the de facto referee, intervenes and calls the fight, while other attendees protect the victim from backpedaling into the woods, forever lost.
Overall, the fight packed a punch, but left the big question of what would’ve happened if the fight reached the ground? The whereabouts of the two fighters remains a mystery, but rumors persist that they still meet for an occasional beer and are fond of poking fun at Pinky’s hair style choices.
Backyard MMA fighting continues to become a phenomenon on YouTube and social media. Though unsanctioned and often criticized by professional fighters for the clear lack of skill and safety, there is no questioning the communal and primal nature of such a bout. While I am not brave enough to enter into the groupthink that followed the five-second melee, I can only hope that somewhere among the corn, Isaac and Malachai were smiling.
